Thursday, July 1, 2010

Happy Birthday Gay Ex-Husband ...

Yeah, today is his birthday. 

Examining the copious amounts of lint in my navel, I have to say that I'm not sorry he was born, just sorry that I married him.  And even then, that sounds as if I'm sorry I had my children.  I'm not.

And yet, there was my first child.

Today is also the 24th anniversary of his death.  He was less than 36 hours old when he died.  He as born with Edwards Syndrome, today known as Trisomy 18.  It was a stunning surprise, a shock, and the horror was that he died on his father's birthday.   I remember a dear friend bringing some goodies to the hospital waiting for my return from seeing my son at Children's Hospital.  We never made it.  She gave the goodies to the nurses and went home.  Another friend drove home and threw up out the car window she was so upset.  It was a horrible, horrible night, and yet one with little glimmers of grace all around. 

So forever more, I will always view July 1 through the lens of grief ... the grief of losing a child and the grief of marrying a gay man.