tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75282444863952471652023-06-20T06:32:22.057-07:00Musings of a Straight WifeAn online journal about the insights and struggles of a straight woman who used to be married to a gay man. For a long, damn time.StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-32754803543872142572012-11-11T17:14:00.000-08:002012-11-11T17:14:00.075-08:00Growth = Grace or is that Vice Versa?Part of my realization that I rushed into my second marriage way, way too fast has also been wrapped in a great rush of grace. And that was realizing that in many ways, I've been able to work my way through the anger and bitterness I was carrying around after finding out I'd spent most of my adult life married to a gay man.
The bottom line of my relationship with this man is that we began StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-59430015824168688332012-09-18T12:01:00.000-07:002012-09-18T12:01:00.977-07:00Thoughts on RemarriageSo, I made a mistake recently. Not just a small stub-your-toe dammit kind of mistake, but a I-think-I've-ruined-my-life kind of mistake.
I remarried.
I did so too fast, ignoring the red flags (again!) and am now sitting in my own mess (again).
I've read so many wonderful stories about straight wives who finally work up the courage to dump the gay husband and are swept off their feet by aStraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-15336468576977537102011-11-13T16:52:00.000-08:002011-11-13T16:52:48.377-08:00The Anniversary EffectNo, not as in wedding anniversaries. As in close to the time someone near to you died.
I'm walking down the road of another anniversary effect time -- November is when my grandmother died. November is when my father had the catastrophic stroke that led to his death. November is when I was digesting the fact that my former husband was "probably" gay.
November is also when I hadStraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-21464191989568197812010-07-01T19:54:00.000-07:002010-07-01T19:54:42.193-07:00Happy Birthday Gay Ex-Husband ...Yeah, today is his birthday.
Examining the copious amounts of lint in my navel, I have to say that I'm not sorry he was born, just sorry that I married him. And even then, that sounds as if I'm sorry I had my children. I'm not.
And yet, there was my first child.
Today is also the 24th anniversary of his death. He was less than 36 hours old when he died. He as bornStraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-58800127819947355392010-05-13T14:56:00.000-07:002010-05-13T14:56:35.746-07:00MartinisJames Bond famously drank them (shaken, not stirred) and it seemed manly.
Why, then, is learning that my ex gay husband now favors dirty martinis so ironically hilarious to me?
Maybe this is more amusing: Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-45088855384227446722010-05-07T09:45:00.000-07:002012-09-18T12:07:19.360-07:00WoundsLast night I had a very healing and hilarious experience, chatting online with a group of straight wives via Bonnie Kaye's support group. I was struck by how so many of us use humor as a coping mechanism. Last night's chat got a little bawdy, but for me, it was filled with belly-laughs which are so very healing.
I also learned about Misti Hall's blog, Straight Spouse Coaching and wasStraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-88454940787568315062010-05-01T19:21:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:55:11.150-07:00Thoughts on Flowers and Other ThingsMy doorbell just rang a few minutes ago and Fed-X was there with a flower delivery. For me. That was a nice surprise. I love flowers. I love to have them in the garden, to smell them, to see them, their colors and form. I especially love very fragrant flowers like old-fashioned roses and lilacs and phlox.
These flowers were accompanied by a very loving, lovely and StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-69370035168453609882010-04-23T10:08:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:55:37.159-07:00Family historyI reconnected with my ex-sister-in-law this week courtesy of Facebook. We hadn't talked for something like six or seven years. I think the last time I saw her was when I went to her father's funeral. We talked about our kids and the usual. But then we got down to the really interesting stuff.
My sister-in-law (we'll call her J) is quite a lot younger than I am. She StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-22064978926733431552010-04-17T10:17:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:56:52.992-07:00Working Through the ShamePart of my personal recovery process from being a "codependent" to a sex addict has been looking at patterns in my life. Early in my recovery, I was astounded to see how many men in my life had characteristics of a sex addict. For instance and probably most notably, the guy I was head over heels with in my early 20s is now considered a leader in the BDSM scene and has recently come StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-75654983239420004052010-04-14T16:13:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:57:13.103-07:00What About the Kids?As an adult child of divorce, I was always determined that mine wasn't going to be one of those marriages that ended up a statistic. Too bad I married a gay man.
Any healthy relationship must be built upon mutual trust and respect. So, by definition, if your spouse is lying to himself and you about who he is, trust goes right out the window. Same with infidelity, whether with aStraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-86710586416281027992010-04-13T15:57:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:57:53.287-07:00Made Him Gay?This blog, while titled "Musings of a Straight Wife" has a URL of madehimgay.blogspot.com.
Why on earth would this be the URL?
It's actually a bit tongue-in-cheek, reflecting some of the ignorance that's out there, probably spurred by subconscious homophobia. Let's begin to talk about that homophobia, and the shame that women, unwittingly married to gay men, are often asked to bear. StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7528244486395247165.post-61185259327326506852010-04-12T15:56:00.000-07:002010-05-07T09:58:21.425-07:00RipplesIt's been nearly five years since I found out that my husband is gay. Well, should I say, my former husband ... my children's father. Funny, isn't it, how we deny what's right in our face? As my daughter said to me not long ago: "Mom, your gaydar has been broken for a really long time."
Like many of the several million women who discover that their spouse is gay or bisexual, I found out sort StraightNotNarrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14040573402101934236noreply@blogger.com0